reality check.

my journal entry from this day last year. . . 

november 14th, 2013
saying yes to something is saying no to everything else. 
do I have a pre-decided yes to whatever I need to do or give up so that I may know Christ?

interestingly enough, today – November 14th, 2014 – this very thing is weighing heavy on my mind.

whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple.
[luke 14:33]

I know – I know that He is worthy. And I know that there’s a cost.
but in luxurious America we don’t really experience that cost.
that doesn’t mean the time won’t come when we will have to leave everything.
when we have to give up not just the comforts and conveniences, but people we love.

I don’t want something that gives me pleasure, but steals glory from God.
I don’t want there to ever be a limit to my obedience.
I don’t want to hold back someone I love from going because I’ll miss them.
I don’t want to hold back myself from going because I’m afraid of transition.
if that’s my mindset, something is wrong.
in light of eternity, what matters?
that we are happy or that He is glorified?
obedience to Him leads to Him being glorified.
may He change our hearts so that we are happy when He is glorified through our obedience,
no matter the cost. . .

He is worthy. Worthy of me, worthy of them.

and the more we forsake, the more we sacrifice, the more we give up for His sake
– the more we will realize how precious Christ is.

unless you reject earth, there can be for you no heaven.
[jim elliot]

for the soul that has it’s gaze fixed on Christ, sacrifice is not a drudgery.
and there’s no reason to be afraid of what He might call you to.
do not shy away from full abandon to Him.

and so we abandon it all.
no reason to fear
simply because He is God
and it’s He who called
and if we believe
if we love Him
we’ll obey.

I like to imagine. . .

I’m in the throne-room of God.

Nothing else exists. Just God. And me.

I behold Him. And He is holy, holy, holy.

I am not.

This God who loves is also a God in whose presence sin will not stand. Sin cannot dwell with holy.

I am condemned to death.

I fall on my face, weeping.

There is nothing. Nothing I can do. I’m hopeless.

My tear- stained face turns up again to see Him coming toward me.

“No”, I cry, feeling that this would be the end.

Anything, anything to get His love, His approval, His smile.

And then another voice. “She’s with me,” He thunders.

Jesus, ready, stands to save me. 

I feel myself pulled up by strong hands. Planted on my feet. A robe thrown around me.

“She’s with ME,” He says again.

Something is different.

I look to God. He smiles. He holds out His arms. I am welcomed.

“But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave, for He shall receive me.”
Psalm 49:15

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look, to see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the sinless Saviour died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the JUST is satisfied
To look on HIM – and pardon me.